Intimacy is one place I have felt a similar joy to the joy I felt in the Lord’s presence. Rest a moment in a memory of a first kiss. The world disappears and there is only the softness of skin, how they taste, a need to be closer and closer until you merge into one being together. Your senses are heightened to this other being. You want this feeling to never end never lessen. Let’s leave it right there. Innocent, pure, intended, wanted, pleasing, peaceful, joyful, without blemish.
So is the desire of the Lord for each of us. Please don’t make this perverse. Think in the most pure way of his wanting us close. His love as pure as anything we have ever known. No condemnation only joy. Once you have that first moment with Jesus you understand. Love becomes a stupid word that doesn’t even come close to explaining what just happened. Most of us haven’t ever had that moment. Don’t know its available to us. Don’t know we even want it. Don’t know what to do with it when it does happen.
The molecules of the universe have just run through your body. The sun has burned every dirty part of you clean. You’re weeping from the shock of how beautiful He is. “Oh, my God, oh my God, oh my God” It’s not like a drug trip. That’s a false feeling. It’s the moment you were conceived in your mother’s womb and you were molecules and motion and DNA aligned like no one else. Unique perfect, created, you, it’s you.
As this world darkens in this twenty first century that we find ourselves there is a safe place to go. A place where you are always wanted. Doesn’t He say, “knock and I will answer. The door will be opened for you.” The door will never be locked. The door will never disappear. Beyond it you’ll be known in a way even you don’t know you. Behind that door is your real father, your guide, your protection, your strength, your pleasure, your healing of everything worldly. your solace, your listener, the one who knew you before the world was made.
Your body is a vessel for Him to live in. We fill our body with food, sex, drugs, distrust, emotions, plans, envy, pride, want of all kinds. Like putting manure in a gas engine. We are so unaware of our potential. Our fulfillment. Our divine fullness that is the only thing that will satisfy us. One thing. Only gas in this tank dummy otherwise your “shit” out of luck.
We experience so much pain for no reason whatsoever. If only you knew.
What does it take to get that one thing? Do you get on your knees, fold your hands, flip open the right page at the right time? No. You find a quiet place where no one will hear you or bother you and you scream at the top of your lungs, “I’m right here don’t leave me alone anymore. I’m knocking. Help me. Save me. Fix me. Show me. Take me. Jesus please don’t leave me alone anymore. I’m so tired. Did you see how they hurt me? Can you help me with this? I don’t want to die like this. I can’t take it anymore. Or just scream. He’s opening the door. It wasn’t locked. Crawl in His lap like you are three years old again. Tuck yourself up against his chest. Feel His arms enclose you in the most perfect peace and love. You can cry, fall asleep, bitch and whine, swear, vomit, emit noxious fumes. There isn’t a damn thing you can do to make Him give up on you. And that is the greatest truth I have learned.